I was going to post a quote or keep this lighthearted this week. But it has been an emotional week and I just have too much on my heart to not share what’s happening.
My glimpse into my ancestry has only been my mother’s side of the family. My family tree has one full half that has always been a mystery to me. There has been a hole in my story and some things I haven’t been able to answer through the years. When I was young I didn’t have all of the right information and when I was 17 I found out that the man that is listed as “father” on my birth certificate is not actually my biological father. I was dealing with a lot at 17 and just trying to process it all. I wasn’t ready to explore what this all meant.
In many ways through those years I was in survival mode. I was trying to navigate being a teenager, but I always had a lot of “extra” stuff to deal with. In my 20s I looked for him once. The man that she told me it was. But there were some hiccups in her story and I began to doubt what she told me. When I was 14 I moved in with my aunt and uncle. My relationship with my mother was always complicated.
Alcohol, parties, abuse, dysfunction and a tremendous amount of love. The most important part is that last part. I always knew my mom loved me. She just didn’t know how to navigate through the things that were happening in her life and we were just along for the crazy ride. Love can weed through all else. I am a believer in loving someone through the tough times. And I am a romantic to the very core! I am a dreamer and I always envisioned building something different from the world I grew up in.
I pushed myself and loved myself through my 20s and 30s. And I crafted as much of a beautiful life as humanly possible. There were many curveballs, but love always led me. And still does to this day.
Now in my 40s, I think I am ready to open this next chapter. I am finally ready to explore the news I heard 27 years ago.
My mother-in-law, one of the most beautiful women I know, bought me my ancestry kit and set me on this new journey. Last week she found the clues to connect the dots and confirm the story my mother told me. Through DNA, I am linked to this man and we have found pictures that show such a HUGE family resemblance that there is no denying it!
You see this picture, well, the boy in the middle is my grandfather on my father’s side. And he holds such a strong resemblance to my middle son CJ that I started crying the minute I saw the picture. How could the resemblance be that strong? We always thought CJ was a spitting image of his own father. Well, the genes are undeniable.
Now, I need to find the courage to reach out and see what the next step holds. Life is a journey and the waters some of us have to charter are deeper than one could imagine.
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