I have a lot of stress right now. I mean A LOT. I mean during certain times of the day I don’t know if I am about to hysterically laugh or hysterically cry or just fart really loud. So basically there is an anxiety blast that is about to come out of my body in some way shape or form.
It’s that time of year in general for a lot of us. If it isn’t year end stuff that is going on at work, it is the home stress of the Holidays. I would truly like to go back in time to the women who created “Elf on the Shelf” and just shatter their dreams and ideas so this horror is never inflicted on us all. And to be fair to the women who created this bullshit holiday tradition, while I am at it, I will give myself a purple nurple for deciding to bring the damn elf to our own house. I mean seriously, this stupid thing needs to move everyday, and damn facebook and pintrest makes me feel so inadequate if also don’t set up some sort of elaborate scene for the elf to be in. Lucky for me, my kids, they LOVE when Joy, our lady elf, is mischievous, so she is often found in a pile of candy wrappers “Joy” mysteriously ate late at night.
Also it’s all the budgeting and present buying. It makes me want to start day drinking just thinking about it. I don’t know if everyone feels this way, but I have an immense amount of pressure to get my kids everything they want. I have mom guilt to no end because of my work/life balance being off. (I know this is a total buzz phrase going around right now and you may be rolling your eyes but I can’t think of a better way to put it so cut me some slack.) I’m about to shed some guilt on you that has been weighing on me for the last two weeks… I missed Ricky and Brooke’s parent teacher conference. And again the shame is washing over me. I had so much going on the week of Thanksgiving. Truly so so much. It was technically 4 days off, but I had something major happening each of the days. I couldn’t feel like more of an asshole, and I promise I don’t try to be the parent that makes up for not being there with a shiny new things for my kids. Mostly because even though I’m working now more than I should, I don’t have millions to afford to get my kids whatever they want whenever they want iy, but also because that would make my little people incredible assholes and that is my ONE goal as a parent; NOT to turn my kids into assholes.
SO – my insane mom stress over all of the above is basically causing me to break out in more acne then when I was in high school, and have the nervous shakes basically all the time, and wake up in the middle of the night from THE most bizarre dreams. Although last night I had a pretty steamy makeout session with She Ra Princess of Power and I’m not mad about it.
I suppose next I am supposed to say something about how to make all of this better or maybe my tips or tricks, but I don’t think I have a real answer, except to share with you how my weird mind works, and I am wondering if any of you have the same thoughts. The key that seems to help keep me going is odd movie moments and theme songs.
Like in the morning when I’m feeling the weight of the world and I really don’t want to get out of bed and lose the feeling of She Ra’s surprisingly soft lips and minty breath even though she was still a cartoon and I was a real person, what makes me get out of the bed is a scene from a movie. The line that always goes through my mind is from Bambi (sorry I told you my mind is weird) and it is when “The Great Prince of the Forest” says to Bambi, “Get up, you must get up!” and for whatever reason, it makes me spring right up. To be fair, there isn’t springing happening but I am dragging my ass out of bed.
Next is my theme songs, and it doesn’t have to be any great message in it. “One day more” from Les Mis is often playing through my head the night before the last day of my company summit, or on partially hard days I also sing and cry along to “I dreamed a dream.” On the days I feel like I really have my shit together and I am a badass bitch that can handle anything you throw my way I blast, “I’m the Man” by Aloe Blacc. The last song right now that is playing in my head almost every morning is “Rise Up” by Andra Day and it just makes me ready. Truly if you don’t click on the link and listen to the song, print this shit out cause its poetry and power:
“You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again”
What I would love to hear from you today is if this is something you do too! Do you have a specific movie or tv scene that always comes to mind when you are trying to get motivated to do something, or is there a song or a quote that just lights a fire and makes you ready to handle any bullshit life throws your way? I would love to hear it!
Oh, and my “Elf on the Shelf” “I’m pissed I have to being doing this right now” song is, “I don’t fuck with you” by Big Sean, cause I got a million trillion things that I’d rather fucking do, than to be fucking with you!
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