Ohhhh, Cha Cha Cha! This one is a real doozy! I will warn you, this one will have you looking in the mirror ALL DAY LONG.
This used to be a real pitfall for me! I am a planner. I am a fixer. And what is a planner and a fixer without a million hypothetical situations? Dun, dun, dun. See what I just did there? Oh, yeah. Coco had some issues with this one.
COMING AT YOU FROM SOME REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES!
You’ve heard the saying “Do in advance what you know in advance”. Well, here’s the tricky part to that, there is a balance. Make sure you “know” the details. Gather all of the facts and make sure there is a real situation for you to address before you jump into the deep end. We’ve all been there. (I openly admitted to you above that I have been here. Gosh, so vulnerable!) We hear something that sets us off and makes our blood boil. We jump in, make a huge deal of it and say we are going to address it, and then come to find out the “issue” never happened. OUCHIE WA WA! We used to say that when I was little when something hurt really, really bad. LOL!
As a leader, this can be one of the first skinned knees! We remember what it was like to be in the trenches and no one would fight for us and stick up for us. And then, boom, we are thrown into a leadership role and we are going to stand up and shout when our team needs us. And then, “Whoops. Oh, wait, I didn’t have the whole story. Oh, you mean that didn’t happen. Oh, there’s another side? Oh wait, let me take back my rant.” Um, too late Mama!
Or maybe there were key parts of the scenario that you were not aware of that made your reaction to the situation no longer relevant. It happens to us all. And listen, this still happens to me. I am a fighter for the people. And well, sometimes it still bites me! I can say I am better at this. But perfection? Nope. What is that?
I think this is one of those things that has to happen to us in order for us to actually learn this lesson. And sometimes, more than once! But I am writing it here anyway. Far too many times in my early career I found myself defending something that in the end was not worth my defense. Trusting that others have given you all the details or are being truthful is a hard part of leadership. And one that takes a tremendous amount of intuition and self-control. Jumping in to defend “your team” is what good leaders do. But it takes a great leader to take the pause, gather the details, and to move forward once all of the details have been acquired. (That’s one of those “read it again” types of sentences!)
And knowing how you are “coming off” is just as important as how you decide to handle the situation. I used to start sentences with “My team” and I had a fellow leader call me out for it once. I never thought of the leading words or what they meant. You see, starting with those words instantly put us on opposite ends of a situation even if the situation didn’t call for that type of separation. I never gave it a second thought. Isn’t that the most profound part of these realizations? So often it is these simple little things that can make all the difference. One way or another.
And remember, try not to take anything too seriously! Live life, make mistakes, fall down, get back up, move forward, repeat!
Happy Wednesday, Y’All! I hope you enjoyed lesson number 3! Whew, still learning and growing every day. That’s what this life is ALL ABOUT! If you missed number 1 and 2, you can read them here https://hustlemomhustle.com/lesson-1-kill-them-with-kindness/ and https://hustlemomhustle.com/lesson-2-just-dont-use-just/
And stay tuned for lesson number 4! You’re going to love it!