We are making our way and are more than halfway there. If you haven’t read 1 through 6, definitely go back and give them a quick read. These are lessons learned through a lot of mistakes and stumbles and hopefully will help you not make the same ones.
Let’s get into it. Lucky number 7. Do you look around some days and think, wow, this person or that person is so lucky? Do you really think that it is luck? Do you get mad when someone gets something you wanted and you wonder why you didn’t get it?
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe all they did was ask for it? Hmmmm, is it really that simple? The answer is YES! Because here is the harsh reality, if you don’t ask for it, chances are you are not going to get it.
Like most of the other lessons, it is simple but OH SO TRUE! Dammit, why does it have to be so darn simple? And so darn true?
Putting in the Work
Why is this one of the toughest ones? You want to know why? Because it’s hard to ask for what we want. Some people are better at this than others. But for almost everyone, asking for what we need is just not an easy thing!
First you have to identify what it is that you want. Then you need to formulate whether you deserve it or not. Have you worked hard enough for it? Is it warranted? And then, you need to muster up the courage to go in and ask for it.
There’s a lot there to get you sidetracked. And there is also a lot there to talk yourself out of. Sometimes we spend so much time analyzing if we deserve it or not, that we actually talk ourselves into believing we don’t deserve it. There’s so much psychology to unpack here.
Rip Off the Bandaid!
In the words of Nike, Just Do It! That’s the most important part of this whole equation. Figure out what you want and go ask for it. If you don’t get it, ask why. In that “why”, you will get the feedback you need to actually work hard, course correct, and get what you want!
Look, here’s the hard reality, in most cases, no one will hand you the keys without asking. Life just doesn’t work that way. There are some really great examples of the scale being completely unbalanced and when people actually dug into the circumstances, we hear, “That’s all they asked for.” Whoa! Do you know what you are worth and are you making sure you are asking for it? The limiting factor here is fear. Fear of rejection, the unknown, and having to hear why we aren’t going to get what we want.
What if we flipped this around and we approached things as, 9 times out of 10 I get what I want because I ask for it. If you knew those were the odds, would you be more likely to ask? We may get a yes! We may hear, “you have earned this and you are right that you deserve it”. Why do we always jump to negative conclusions first?
The Psychology of It All
Our minds are filled with self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We’ve talked a few times about negative self-talk and how it runs on repeat through our brains. We have to put in the work to reverse this. It doesn’t just happen. It can also be said that it may be because we can’t handle the “no”. What if the answer is no? If you don’t ask, you get to sit in this space of unknown that in some cases can feel more comfortable than actually knowing that the answer is no.
It’s Up to You
If you don’t have the courage to ask, at least recognize that someone else isn’t just luckier than you. That may sound harsh, but it’s not a good place to be feeling that self-pity and not doing anything about it. It’s not productive and can actually be sabotaging. Here are some things to really think about. If you aren’t willing to ask for what you need, is it really fair to expect it? If you don’t have confidence in the job you are doing, is it fair to expect others to be confident in the job you are doing? I always say, “If you don’t believe, why should I?” Ouch! I know! Believe me! I am talking to myself as much as I am talking to you! This one is HARD! Super-de-duper HARD!
The Bottom Line
Here’s the straight-up bottom line! Having confidence in your own abilities and being able to ask for what you deserve will truly change your life and the outcomes. Confidence doesn’t grow on trees. We have to practice at asking and build this over time. So start now! Guess what, you will get MORE of what you want. You may not get ALL that you want! But I guarantee you will get MORE!