As a hustling mom, I’m constantly trying to be at least three things at once. J’s mama, C’s wife and what you might consider a mama bear to over 400 employees at the office. All said, maybe it’s more like 460 things? Some weeks it feels like a million.
This was one of those weeks. For those that hustle and work hard, you know what I mean. Things crashing in on all sides, treading fast and furious to keep your head above water and all the while new things are zooming in and adding to the pile. I had a packed work schedule, a few hard meetings, my mom was only able to help out one day this week, my aversion to smells and consistent morning heaving was back and my littlest love had decided that Dada was all he needed. It. Was. Intense.
If you’re not sure you’ve experienced a week like this here are a few signs:
- Wondering out loud what day it is because it’s got to be almost the weekend and getting reminded, “It’s Tuesday.”
- Refer to something that happened as, ‘last week’ only to realize it was yesterday
- Losing your train of thought mid-sentence
- Going to answer a question but only being able to give a blank stare
I hit reset on the daily knowing that dragging yesterday’s problems into a new day is no way to get started. But these weeks can be relentless. Each night this week was a battle with J too. Usually when it’s time for bed starting with, “Ok, let’s go up and do teeth” gets him headed for the stairs which he proudly climbs himself. This week it was “up” ‘up” “up” and if he wasn’t picked up, waterworks. If teeth brushing went according to plan, it was a battle to get into PJ’s. He’s learned to hold the ends of his sleeves so we can’t get his shirt off. Since I don’t often get much time with J after work, I really enjoy our snuggle time when I get to put him down. This Dada stole the show and if I tried to sneak in I was greeted with a scream, tears and very strong little limbs flailing. It was absolutely heartbreaking. After a hard day at the office I look forward to coming home and being mama. Crawling on the floor, building with blocks, throwing a ball and rocking my little man, but this week it was sour grapes all the way through.
As I laid in bed unable to sleep after a particularly hard day at the office and home, I listened to his ocean waves coming through on the monitor and I heard what made my heart melt. In his sleep, all snugged up I heard his tiny voice loud and clear a few times over, “Mama.” It wasn’t because he needed me, but as if he knew I needed him. It didn’t change anything that had happened, but it gave me peace to know that being Mama was enough.