Hello. I’m Colleen, it’s wonderful and scary to meet you!
My struggle with telling you who I am is that I have largely defined myself by what those around me have told me. Yes, these are actual things people have said to my face.
I am sweet, but not that smart. I have a hard time focusing. My head is in the clouds and I’m flighty. My clothes weren’t cool enough. I pee too loud. I’ve been told I’m too tall, my feet are too big, and I have too many moles on my body.
All of this was told to me or about me before even turning 13!
In high school I was considered not smart; just a cheerleader. I was too much of a prude! I was called a “Plain Jane” and my clothes still weren’t cool enough. I would never make it in college. In fact, several relatives told my parents they would be wasting their money on college, and I would either flunk out or come home pregnant. My boobs are too small. I don’t think things all the way through. I am still too tall and my feet are still too big, and now I weigh too much (5’9 135).
As a twenty something I heard:
I’m not an idea person, I’m more of a worker bee. I’m too nice. I will be taken advantage of, I should be taken advantage of, I was taken advantage of. I’m putting on weight. I’m losing too much weight. I have had too many partners. I am inexperienced. My boobs are too big. My voice is horrible and I am out of tune. I am too insecure, why do I care what other people think so much? You work too much. You don’t work enough. Why do you try to make everyone happy? If everyone likes you that means you have no personality for someone NOT to like.
When I heard about this opportunity to share a blog, and share my voice with 6 other amazing women, everything that was ever said to me or about me came rushing in; All of the criticisms other people have told me about myself about why I wasn’t good enough or didn’t matter. I have spent the better part of my thirties now trying to change the way I see myself and how I feel about myself. I don’t look back on my youth with regret, because I don’t believe in living a life that way. I look back on what I wrote, and think about these feelings I had, and I feel an enormous sense of pride. Pride because if you were to ask my friends, my real friends, they would say I am kind, generous, and very intelligent! I have come up with some of the best ideas, themes, and fixes for my company. I have grace under pressure. I know it’s hard for me to pay myself a compliment, but what I did learn from the harsh critics, is how not to treat others. I want to shower those around me in love. I want to make those around me feel the best they can possibly feel.
These are the adjectives, characteristics, and descriptions that I try to shed everyday when I look in the mirror. I do feel like the sad truth is I have developed a very thin skin from it and a very emotional personality. I cry WAY too much.
Who am I?
I am a wife to an amazing man that loves my intelligence, my body, and encourages me to do better everyday. I have two beautiful children that love me unconditionally, and only see perfection when they look at me. My career has helped boost my confidence more than I ever anticipated.
I work every day to shed the skin of a cynical life and look toward making myself the best wife, mother, and person I can be. I am a work in progress and I am excited to share all of my successes, failures, and insecurities with you; not only as a mom, wife, or business person, but as a woman. #Roar