Ugh, so emo, so dramatic, so completely not the way I like to think of myself, but I am going to be brutally honest with you, I’m depressed. Why? The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I have about 6 rosebuds outside my front door ready to bloom in a couple days, which I absolutely love, and yet I am truly, utterly, deeply in the dumps. Yuck! Sure, part of it is the same as you, Some Good News by John Krasinski has officially sold out to CBS, and will not even compare to his awesome videos, but it’s also because of the ENTIRE SITUATION!
To say these last 2 months have been a complete and total mind fuck really isn’t an over exageration, they have been! It’s been a full serving of, “be careful what you wish for”, in my opinion. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought people who work from home have it made in the shade. Look, I know they work their asses off, and do every ounce as much work as I do, but they don’t have to worry about the commute time, or the gas prices, or traffic lights that are always on a frequency to know if I am running late so they all just turn red when I’m approaching. Traffic lights are straight up bastards. What a blissful existence they must have.
I was straight up wrong. Now I am home and I am CRAVING to be stuck in traffic. To have an hour to myself, doing nothing but singing off key (with no one commenting on it like they are Simon Cowell and I am some doe eyed twenty something trying to make it big, but can’t realize I have no talent. I am fully aware that I am off key) probably singing to Taylor Swift or Justin Beiber unapologetically. Happily eating my evil twin McMuffin, and trying to apply some make up at every stop light. It sounds like magic!
I have literally forgotten what jeans feel like.
I’m longing for shopping at a very slow pace, without the directional signs. I mean seriously we are all in masks, do we need to be forced to only go one way down an isle? Why does it happen to be a capital offence if I forgot a can of soup and try to quickly back track only to run into some Karen giving me a shitty look, which I can still see even though Karen is wearing a home sewn disney mask with perfect piping and elastic straps covered in ribbon, (ugh KAREN WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME????). Just to be a bitch I like to give a fake cough in her direction. Target should not be this stressful! I want to shop for my tampons in peace damnit! I also want Charmin toilet paper, not the bullshit generic 1 ply that makes me feel like there is not enough of a barrier between my hand and my vagina.
Also, I want to have fun with my kids by taking them to a water park. It’s their summer vacation! I want to go to the zoo or morton’s arboretum. I want the fun New Lenox functions that are usually sprinkled throughout the summer, which my favorite is always the food truck one! They have a shitty 80’s cover band that butchers my favorite REO speedwagon songs while I eat THE BEST food truck tacos! The kids get snow cones and run around on the grass by our picnic blankets while trying to pick out their school friends. WHERE IS MY SUMMER FUN?
I get all this glorious extra time with my kids, with no sports or other extra obligations, and yet they get crabby bitchy mommy. Although to be fair to myself, they are kinda being dicks lately themselves. I’m sure they are going through their own form depression also, so I am trying to cut them some slack, but when they start fighting about who’s foot touched who’s on the couch and there are tears over this…I’m just ready to snap. LIke it makes me understand the saying, “if you love something set it free.” Please kids, set mommy free… free to find a secret nail salon that is open and get a pedicure by myself. Ugh a pedicure in a massage chair! Massage chair … (I just had a moment)
While I am writing this I will tell you it is somewhat therapeutic getting it all, but I also feel like a whiny little bitch. I am lucky in so many ways. I have a job that lets me work from home. I have not been furloughed or laid off. I am healthy and my family is healthy. I am definitely looking forward to the coming weeks and businesses opening back up, and trying to get back to some sort of normal. But this Friday, I’m going to give myself a little gift; just me, Beiber, Swift, and the open road. That’s right, I’m going to have a little car threesome, driving with my windows down, singing off key, You do the same thing! If there is something you are missing SO MUCH, maybe you can still do it in your own way. I felt kinda silly jumping in my car to go nowhere before, but ya know what? Fuck it! I need that! Alright, no housewives this morning, so get ready J and Tay, I’m comin’!