Yup, I just changed the infamous Game Of Thrones tagline to dramatically announce the arrival of summer. NORMALLY my only concern, although a big one, is trying to figure out how I’m going to get through the summer without wearing a pair of shorts while not looking like a freak. Shorts have been a distant memory since the appearance of cellulite on my thighs and the purpetial starvation of my crotch as it always seems to be eating the inside of my shorts to create that weird upside v between my legs. If you know what I’m talking about, you‘re my people, if you don’t know, we can’t be friends, JUST KIDDING, I’m proud of you for keeping your shit tight, but I do hate-like all of your posts about it, just to be clear.
My hangry beaver is the least of my worries this summer. Tomorrow is the last day of my kids school year, which I know I have been non-stop hating this whole e-learning situation, but now inside I’m shaking worse than Jon Snow when he realized he was banging his aunt (sorry if this is a spoiler without the alert, but seriously if you haven’t watched it by now, you’re lying to yourself that you were going to).
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY KIDS ALL SUMMER????
I received an email last night at 10:01pm from the park district notifying parents their summer camp has 45 spots open, and it is first come first serve. When I checked my personal email at 6:08am this morning, there was already a second email letting me know they are already full, with over 50 kids on the waitlist. FML.
There is always the option of getting a friend’s responsible teen to watch my kids, which I have done VERY successfully in the past, but that would be so weird now. I remember being a “mommy’s helper” when I was in my teenage years. I would be playing with the kids while the mom was either cleaning or working or maybe day drinking in her room by herself so she could get one goddamn moment of peace. Hey, I get it! At the time, however, I felt so awkward. Every time there was a little bit of a cry or noise, there the mom would be – looking to see what was going on, giving me the stink eye. Also, let’s be real, there is always a portion of the babysitting time, where the babysitter is on the couch watching golden girls, or whatever lame daytime television is on, while the kids are playing. That is totally fine, but it doesn’t feel totally fine when the parent is there thinking what am I paying this kid for… to watch tv on my couch?
So, I’m doing the only thing I can think of; a summer activity binder. That is going to be what I spend a part of my weekend doing. It sucks because I guess I feel the binder is kinda bullshit and I wish they could be going to amusement parks or be a part of different summer athletic camps instead of my pinterest hodgepodge of scavenger hunts looking for pinecones and twigs, building something out of popsicle sticks, and making lava lamps out of vegetable oil and food coloring. I do think this will be better and more fun than just sitting on the couch and doing nothing. Also the only way I won’t end up pulling my own hair out because they are asking me to bring them a drink while I’m trying to actively participate in meetings. You should be getting ME a drink for working and putting a roof over your head!
If you have any bullshit summer activities you think a couple of tweens will do without complaining the ENTIRE time they are doing it, let me know! Also if you have any proven methods to remove above mentioned cellulite or that will give me a thigh gap so I won’t have a constant cameltoe in shorts, slip ‘em my way.