One thing I have always been SO impressed with my son and his ability to tell the truth no matter what. He will tell the truth to a fault. Brooke on the other hand will lie about everything. She will lie about stuff that will make no sense like it’s not even something that she did wrong. Although of course, wrongdoing is a huge opportunity for her to lie. We were both in the kitchen talking, I am sitting at the table working, and she had just gotten done with elearning. She goes into the refrigerator and takes out cheese she is about to eat for a snack, but I had bought that particular cheese as an ingredient for dinner. I said, “Brooke, you can’t eat that cheese I need it for dinner”. She said, “Oh I’m not, I’m going to get something else”. I am continuing to work and chat with her, not really focusing on what she is doing, She proceeds to cut up the fucking cheese and make herself a little charcuterie board. Seriously she added salami and blueberries and if I am being honest it was actually impressive. In the moment, however, when I finally focused again on what she is doing, I’m like, “Brooke! I said you can’t eat that cheese,” and to my face, she said, “Oh, I didn’t know”. She said I never said anything, but she was so dead ass serious that it made me question myself. Again we are talking about an incident that all transpired in the course of 10 minutes.
I’m scared for the world.
But back to Ricky and the actual point of my story. Ricky just went back to in-person learning and he has to be in serious makeup mode. E-learning has not been his friend, and I needed him to go up to his teachers and ask if he was missing any work. Before you all start wondering why my school doesn’t have that online in a parent portal, relax they do. I just need my son to learn responsibility and also to show his teachers he isn’t a lazy piece of shit who is just a lump in their class. So when I pick him up from school I ask, did you talk to your teachers, to which he replies no I forgot. Okay, well if you forget again tomorrow then you are going to be grounded from your electronics. It’s the next day, and I remind him on the way to school. When I pick him up the first words out of my mouth, did you talk to your teachers, and he said yes. Not even a hint of fibbing. We get home and I need some receipts so I email his teachers. <Hi Miss So-and-so, just wanted to confirm Ricky is all caught up for the trimester. I know Ricky talked to you today, but I’m a helicopter mom and just need to check you. Here’s a Starbucks e-gift card don’t hate me.> You can probably guess the teacher’s response was yes there is missing work and no Ricky didn’t talk to her.
Son of a bitch!
We are now a week into his punishment of no electronics for two weeks, but a weird thing happened yesterday. We were in the car talking to someone and I lied to them. He knew I lied to them, and when I got off the phone, he asked me about it. I said, well I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. He just looked at me like I was the hippiest of hypocrites and I felt like one.
Damn parenting is stressful, and most of the time I just want to be really honest with my kids and say, “Hey man, be cool, don’t be all un-cool”. (I hope you all get the Countess DeLeSepes reference from the Real Housewives of New York) I also just want to explain you are gonna get a lot of rules thrown at you that I myself won’t follow, self-esteem, for example, my shining smart handsome star your mother is in a cloud of self-doubt and looking like a golem.
The moral of the story, do as I say and not as I do. Now excuse I need to stop drop and roll and put these firey pants out.
47 thoughts on “Liar Liar, Pants On Fire”
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